416 가족협의회 기억저장소 문화기획팀 대학생 지원단 1주차 후기
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이현정 작성일16-07-08 14:43 조회11,256회 댓글1건본문
- 이현정
하계 아르바이트를 안산시 홈페이지에 신청할 당시 ‘416 기억저장소’가 있는지 몰랐다. 배정을 받고 첫날 교육을 받으러 합동 분향소로 향했다. 세월호 합동 분향소에는 두 번째 방문이었다. 1주기, 2주기 때 찾았었다. 처음 그곳에 들어가 아이들의 영정사진을 바라보았을 때 생각했던 것보다 많아서, 너무 많아서 주체하지 못하고 눈물을 흘렸던 것이 떠올랐다. 마음이 무거워졌다.
기독교 부스에 들어서자 김종천 사무국장님이 자리에 있었다. 세월호 사고 수습 지원단에 신청했던 학생들은 함께 동그랗게 둘러앉았다. 사무국장님은 우리에게 이년 가까이 옆에서 지켜봤던 세월호 유가족들의 이야기를 해주었다. 세월호 참사가 일어난 당일, 구조대원들이 어떤 이유에서인지 아이들을 구하러 최선을 다하지 않았다는 것, 12억으로 책정된 보조금을 세월호 가족분들이 받지 않았다는 것, 하지만 언론들에 의해 세월호 가족들이 ‘돈’을 위해 싸우는 것처럼 폄하되고 있다는 것, 부모님들은 그런 와중에도 지치고 힘들지만 아직 싸우고 계시다는 것에 대해…. 아이들은 묵묵히 이야기를 들었고 각 조의 팀장님들이 와서 인사를 나눴다. 자기소개하며 펑펑 우는 친구도 있었다. 직접적 영향이 있든 없든 모두가 미안함과 안타까움을 함께하고 나눌 수 있는 자리였다. 그 후 우리는 팀을 나눴고 나는 세월호 관련 동영상과 작품들을 수집하고 기록하는 ‘문화기획팀’에 들어가게 되었다.
416 가족협의회 기억 전시관에는 혜린이와 희지가 함께 배정받았다. 우리는 유튜브에서 세월호 관련 영상을 보고 각각 주기 별로 나누어 영상/음악/문서를 따로 기록하게 되었다. 내가 생각했던 것보다 훨씬 많은 시민이 세월호를 추모하는 영상을 많이 올려주셨다. 주기가 되면 내가 할 수 있는 것이 없다는 사실에 무기력한 시민에 대한 안타까움을 고민하곤 했는데, 추모 영상을 만들어서 남들과 나누는 것도 내가 할 수 있는 일이었다는 걸 알게 되었다. 더 생각하고 찾아보고 활동하지 않고 무기력한 감정에만 빠져 회피하고 있었던 것은 아닌지, 생각해보게 되었다. 추모 영상과 더불어 아이들이 찍은 영상들도 보게 되었다. 수학여행을 떠나기 전 들떠서 엄마와 인사하는 영상, ‘살고 싶다’고 마지막 배 안에서 외치는 영상을 보며 외면했던 영상들을 연이어 기록했다. 내 기록이 세월호 참사의 ‘진실’을 밝히고 ‘기억’하는 데 도움이 되기를 바라며.
약 일주간 416 기억전시관에서 일하며 가장 기억에 남았던 것은 ‘부모님들’이었다. 월요일과 목요일에 아버님들과 두 번의 공식적으로 만났고 점심마다 어머님들이 해주시는 밥을 먹으며 피해자 가족들을 만날 수 있었다. 어머님들은 생각보다 참 밝으셨다. 그런데도 온몸을 수놓은 노란 빛깔들을 보며 아직 꺼지지 못한 슬픔이 그림자 뒤로 일렁이는 것 같았다.
목요일 교육 시간엔 416 가족협의회 집행위원장이신 예은 아버님이 오셔서 자신의 이야기를 들려주셨다. 예은 아버님은 유가족들이 단순히 자신만의 복수심 때문에 이 고단한 일을 하는 것이 아니라고 했다. 세월호도 단순히 진상규명을 위해 싸우려는 것이 아니라 그 진상 규명을 통한 성역 없는 대한민국, 다시는 세월호 사건과 같은 참사가 없도록 하려는 것이라며 학생들을 찬찬히 둘러보셨다. 이어 학생들에게 세월호 가족들이 왜 모이는 것 같냐고 물어보셨다. 학생들은 진상 규명을 위해서? 싸우기 위해서? 라는 답을 내놓았지만 아버님은 고개를 저었다.
“외로워서.”
아버님 입에서 그 말이 나왔을 때 나는 놀라서 한동안 말을 잇지 못했다. 유가족들이 이 모진 상황에서 누구보다 외로우리라는 것을 잊고 있었다. 평생을 사과받아도 모자랄 위치에서 국가에 핍박받는 유가족들은 좀 더 나은 국가를 위해 싸우고 있었다. 자기 일이 아니므로 너무 슬픈 일이라 더는 들여다보기가 힘들어서 많은 국민은 세월호를 잊어가고 있다. ‘잊지 말자’는 구호를 외치지만 우리는 인간인지라 잊고 싶은 것일지 모르겠다. ‘그럼에도 기억해야 한다’는 사실은 변하지 않는다. 그건 자신들이 지키지 못한 자식들을 잊지 못하고, 그래서 더는 자신들 같은 피해자가 업도록 이년 넘게 고생을 하는 유가족을 위해서이고, 대한민국에 사는 모든 국민을 위해서이고, 결국 나를 위해서임을 한 주 동안 깨달아가고 있다.
+서평
김연수의「다만 한 사람을 기억하네」 - 2014년 문학동네 겨울
누군가는 이 소설을 보고 ‘변죽을 울린다.’라는 말을 했다. 그저 먼 곳에서 들려오는 슬픈 이야기로만 그 커다란 이야기를 설명했다는 것이다. 나는 그 말에 어느 정도 동의하지만 그런데도 이 소설은 상실을 마주하는 우리의 최소한의 자세에 대해 충분히 나열하고 있다고 본다. 소설은 훗날 이뤄질 기억의 상실까지 바라보고 있다. 사람을 잃고 사랑을 잃고 세월이 흐르며 잃어가는 많은 것들, 그 속에서 바라보게 된 여자의 메일. 주인공과 여자에겐 기억이 한 사람을 살게 했다. 여자는 아주 오랜 후 남자에게 말했다. 기억하려고 애쓸 때, 우주는 조금이라도 바뀔 수 있을까.
그 한 물음이 무기력하게 잊혀가는 세월호 사건, 그리고 이 삶을 살아가는 우리가 갖춰야 할 최소한 것을 말해주고 있다고 생각한다. 상실할 것이 아니라 우리는 기억해야 한다는 것. 우리가 잊지 말아야 한다는 것. 김연수 작가의 가장 낮은 목소리일지 모르지만 분명하고 강한 메시지는 상실을 마주하는 우리가 취할 가장 기본의 자세를 다시 한 번 통찰하고 있다.
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